Honesty and Hope

Lately, I have been struggling with my faith. I took a Psalm class from Scott Starbuck this past Spring and it completely challenged what I had formerly believed about joy and lament. Scott believes that in order for us to truly experience the joy that God intends for us, we have to first be honest about our sufferings, frustrations and questions. Christians tend to force or even fake joy, without even realizing it. We think we need to "be happy" or shrug things off. I see now that in order to have joy we have to face our sufferings head on.

I have been struggling with my relationship with God because I constantly feel guilty, scared or even frustrated with how much I sin. I don't know where God wants me or what I should be doing ever. I feel weak, insignificant and selfish. And then I read Romans 8:23-30.

²³ Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. ²⁴ For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? ²⁵ But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
 ²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷ And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

A hope that is seen is no hope at all. My prayer is that I continue to hope and God continues to strengthen my faith because I am weak without him. And I can do nothing without him. Last night I realized God is speaking to me but I have to be willing to admit that I need him. I have to listen and hope.